The other day I woke up thinking of a social event we had with other parents from the school. I was replaying some moments in my mind. Those where I approached people, hugged them and asked them about their summer, holidays, etc.; the one I am most proud of is when I introduced myself to a new parent.

You may think: “What’s special about that?! Introducing myself to someone new has always been a challenge for me. My story is one of a shy person. When I tell people that I am shy, some find it hard to believe, some can see me that I am hiding a little.

While I think it’s not easy for me to walk to someone and introduce myself, I tend to wait for the super social people to come to me. I admire people who can talk to anyone. It has taken me a lot of awareness and determination to take walk to someone and start a conversation. Even with people I know, if they are talking to someone else, I am very (too) cautious, I am afraid of interrupting or bothering them. This is the real cause: FEAR. I am not an introvert, I love having great conversations and spending time with people; as well as I like and enjoy to have my space every now and then.

In a session with a coach, I was once told that in a first impression I seemed prickly. I had heard people telling me that I looked pretty cold at the beginning but when they got to know me, I looked like a completely different person: warm, kind, fun. But I had never, ever been called prickly. Wow! That hurt. It doesn’t really matter what I was told, I am not prickly, I don’t want to hurt anyone, but it speaks to protection. I protect myself from being hurt, from being rejected. It speaks to my fears.

I have recently been approached by a woman who had issues in her marriage. I could see the same pattern: she was afraid of rejection, it’s a pretty common one. So, I decided to speak to that, and have compassion for her. I said things I felt needed to be said and I felt she did not like me. I felt she was looking for a solution or potion to change her husband. Although I do my best not to take it personally, it still feels as rejection. I put myself out there, I try to help and I need to let go. I need to focus on those I can help, see if there’s any learning for me in the rejections, and let go. Maybe I am not the right person to help her, maybe she needs something else. Maybe it is about me, maybe it is not.

In the past, I have tried to be someone I am not, in order for people to like me, but it doesn’t work. It feels shallow, people smile at you but they don’t trust you, there’s no real connection, because they can’t see the real you.

Furthermore, if you do not take the risk to show up, to let people see who you really are, you miss the chance for them to love you and accept you for who you are. And that is really what we long for. It is a paradox, we protect ourselves because we are afraid people won’t like us; but if we don’t show as who we are, we’re not giving them the chance to like us.

I know that “I am shy” is a story, a story I tell myself to protect me from my fears, and I know I can change my story to one of compassion with myself and courage to keep getting out of my shell and meeting new beautiful and exciting people.  The more I embrace myself as I am, with my strengths and flaws, the more comfortable I am to show up and accept that some may like me, and some may not. But being able to connect with few, is worth it.

As I said in another post, I am a work in progress.