Archivo de la categoría: Awareness

A different perspective on clarity and awarness

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Man on RocksA friend forwarded an article from Deepak Chopra.

I found it very interesting for two reasons:

There are different ways to expand our awareness and find harmony between our inner and outer world.

Here’s the Article: What Is a Spiritual Solution?

For more information on our workshop, click here: Clarity flyer

If you have questions, contact me.

New workshop! Clarity – Same eyes, different view

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I am very excited to introduce a new workshop born from the partenrship of Radiance Coaching and Growing Coaching and Consulting!

This workshop will help you move from stuckness and confusion into clarity and get you moving towards your goal.

It will be held in Amsterdam on October 10th.

To access the flyer, click here: Clarity flyer

For more information, please contact Marcel Herwergh marcel@radiancecoaching.nl or Sònia Ortiz sonia@growingcoaching.com

Warmly,

Sònia Ortiz

I am shy

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The other day I woke up thinking of a social event we had with other parents from the school. I was replaying some moments in my mind. Those where I approached people, hugged them and asked them about their summer, holidays, etc.; the one I am most proud of is when I introduced myself to a new parent.

You may think: “What’s special about that?! Introducing myself to someone new has always been a challenge for me. My story is one of a shy person. When I tell people that I am shy, some find it hard to believe, some can see me that I am hiding a little.

While I think it’s not easy for me to walk to someone and introduce myself, I tend to wait for the super social people to come to me. I admire people who can talk to anyone. It has taken me a lot of awareness and determination to take walk to someone and start a conversation. Even with people I know, if they are talking to someone else, I am very (too) cautious, I am afraid of interrupting or bothering them. This is the real cause: FEAR. I am not an introvert, I love having great conversations and spending time with people; as well as I like and enjoy to have my space every now and then.

In a session with a coach, I was oGirl hidingnce told that in a first impression I seemed prickly. I had heard people telling me that I looked pretty cold at the beginning but when they got to know me, I looked like a completely different person: warm, kind, fun. But I had never, ever been called prickly. Wow! That hurt. It doesn’t really matter what I was told, I am not prickly, I don’t want to hurt anyone, but it speaks to protection. I protect myself from being hurt, from being rejected. It speaks to my fears.

I have recently been approached by a woman who had issues in her marriage. I could see the same pattern: she was afraid of rejection, it’s a pretty common one. So, I decided to speak to that, and have compassion for her. I said things I felt needed to be said and I felt she did not like me. I felt she was looking for a solution or potion to change her husband. Although I do my best not to take it personally, it still feels as rejection. I put myself out there, I try to help and I need to let go. I need to focus on those I can help, see if there’s any learning for me in the rejections, and let go. Maybe I am not the right person to help her, maybe she needs something else. Maybe it is about me, maybe it is not.

In the past, I have tried to be someone I am not, in order for people to like me, but it doesn’t work. It feels shallow, people smile at you but they don’t trust you, there’s no real connection, because they can’t see the real you.

Furthermore, if you do not take the risk to show up, to let people see who you really are, you miss the chance for them to love you and accept you for who you are. And that is really what we long for. It is a paradox, we protect ourselves because we are afraid people won’t like us; but if we don’t show as who we are, we’re not giving them the chance to like us.

I know that “I am shy” is a story, a story I tell myself to protect me from my fears, and I know I can change my story to one of compassion with myself and courage to keep getting out of my shell and meeting new beautiful and exciting people.  The more I embrace myself as I am, with my strengths and flaws, the more comfortable I am to show up and accept that some may like me, and some may not. But being able to connect with few, is worth it.

As I said in another post, I am a work in progress.

Uncertainty: A Space for creation I

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It has been around three weeks since we heard the news about the company my husband works for. We are still in a place of not knowing. Not knowing how long we will be here, not knowing where we will be next.

The more we want to know, the worse it gets. When we receive some information, filtered from someone else’s point of view, we enter in doubt.

The only thing that is truly working at this point is being very centered. Being in the moment, taking care of ourselves. Choosing to embrace this situation, instead of doubt. In moments of great uncertainty it is easy to let ourselves go with doubt. Of course there are a lot of question marks, but we are always at choice, either chose staying with the doubt or to move into creating the life that we want.

In a moment where everything in our lives is in the air, with lots of question marks, it is also a moment of great possibilities. Anything could happen. Anything is possible until we’re told not to. Then, why don’t we chose to stay with the possibilities?

We grow wanting to control everything but we can’t. We feel uncomfortable with not knowing and with uncertainty. But that’s what living in the present is. We only know what’s here now. So this is a great challenge for us to live in the present, be grateful, enjoy and envision our new future, our new adventure.

I will be writing more about this experience and how it turns out…

An illusion of feeling trapped

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One of my patterns is to get very excited about something, have a lot of energy to start working on it and then stopping.

It happens especially if it is something important to me. My fears show as confusion, I have a false sense of being trapped and I find myself pushing things that seem not to work and then stopping.

The pattern is still there but I can now recognize it and quickly recover.

One of my strengths is “Bounce back”. Whatever the obstacle I come up against, it makes me more determined to succeed.

This strength is very helpful to recover when I feel trapped. The more aware I am of what’s going on, the quicker I can respond. Yesterday I was writing and fell into my pattern of confusion and feeling trapped. What I wrote seemed not clear enough and I seemed not able to write anything better, the more I tried, the worse it looked. This morning I clearly saw what was going on. The realization made me more determined and started writing again. The outcome was still not perfect, is it ever?

What matters is not what I the outcome, it is the awareness of what’s going on and taking action. Getting back on track keeps me out of the false sense of entrapment and slowly brings in more clarity.

We can all change our patterns and behaviors but doing so requires awareness. Often it requires to dig deep to find out what drives those patterns and behaviors.

You are a voice of the system

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HiResI had a dream the other day. I was with a group of people that needed to speak up or decide on something but they would not do it.

I had the urge to stand up on a table and tell them that they were a voice of the system and needed to speak. No one seemed touched or to understand and they continued with their conversations.

It made me realize that the words mean nothing if people don’t know what you’re talking about. Thus, I decided to talk a little about the voice of the system using different words.

First of all, what is a system?

A system is a group of  individuals that are interconnected to one another acting as a whole. (E.g. a team or a family).

What is the voice of the system?

It comes from is the ability to see the systems itself, instead of the individuals.

It is the ability to shift from a personal perspective to a systems perspective, where we speak to something that lives in the system.

In other words, in a situation where people are complaining. Those complains may be personal, about what does not work for them. However, if we take the perspective of the system, we will see frustration, some things may have been overlooked and not spoken, the system may need some change.

Next time you feel reluctant to say something because you think it’s only about you or you are afraid to hurt someone. Take a look around and ask yourself what’s trying to happen? It will help you move from your “story” to the Intelligence of the System (The Third Entity™). You may be able to express it in better terms and more confidently.

You are a voice of the system. Think about one of the systems you are part of. What needs to be said?

Based on ORSC™

HOW TO STOP PROCASTINATING

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Have you ever found yourself procrastinating? Even when you knew exactly what you wanted? Procrastination is often caused by fear, lack of self confidence or perfectionism.

Some of the most common fears are:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of being rejected
  • Fear of being judged
  • Fear of intimacy
  • Fear of expressing true feelings

Fear of failure is the most common in procastination.

How to stop procrastinating

  • The first step is to ask ourselves: what is really going on here?
  • If we noticed we are afraid, we then ask ourselves: what am I afraid of?
  • Once you have identified your fear, ask yourself: what’s the worst thing that could happen? And keep going deeper and deeper, don’t stop with the first simple answer. Keep adding to the fear: and what would happen then? The more in touch you get with your fears, the better (for the purpose of the exercise).
  • We tend to avoid our fears. Whereas, we need to embrace them, let them inform us. Otherwise they run our actions (or lack of them). By acknowledging and embracing our fears, we take charge.

Once you have the information you need you will see things more clearly. It is then the time to ask yourself what are you going to do about it and get back into ACTION.

Go for your dreams!

Note: If you can’t do this exercise on your own, find yourself a partner to work with, preferably someone who’s a good listener and wants to help you. If the fear is very strong, it may take you longer. You may need to work on several layers until you get to the core of your biggest fear.

Separation hurts.

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I often think that keeping people divided helps certain people get away with things that we would otherwise be critical with.
While we fight with one another, argue with one another about our political views, religious beliefs, economical visions, we miss other things, we don’t pay attention to some other abuses that may be happening. We stay unaware of how much of the information we receive is manipulated in favor of some people’s interests, we hardly argue. Political decisions are rarely based on ethical issues, although that’s what we’re told, unfortunately there’s a lot of personal interests.
I watch how people treat others that have different political views as ignorant. I think we are all ignorant in some areas because we don’t want to see what other people see or feel.
Things are not black or white, they are not even grey, there’s a range of colors. All colors have their value and together they make a rainbow.
When I hear heated political conversations I wonder, what are we missing?
If I look at Spain at the moment, I see a lot of hatred between Catalans and the other regions. Why? Because of discreSeparationpancies about money, culture and heritage. There’s a need for complain, from both sides, there are unresolved issues from the past, there have been abuses and there’s discontent. However, none of the issues will be resolved until spoken about them openly. Right now, it seems the discussion is only focused on the details and in looking for someone to blame. There’s a feeling of: in order to survive this crisis, it’s either us or them = It’s US AGAINST THEM.
Often, those with the authority abuse their power, sometimes unconsciously, unfortunately sometimes consciously. We all have examples of abuse, for instance as parents or managers. We tend to repress those voices we don’t agree with, voices of hurt, which in return creates anger and sometimes violence. If we want to resolve our issues at home, in our communities and in the world, we need to get to the core of them and sit in the fire, like Arnold Mindell suggests in his book: Sitting in the Fire, Resolving conflict in large group transformation using conflict and diversity.

Taking a pause increases productivity

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I mentioned in my previous post that I was taking the time to go deeper in my current experience.

I have been meditating this morning, my son woke me up after 4am. I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I decided to use the quiet time to get centered and unblock the energy.

Morning before school with kids has gone much smoother than any other day of the past week. In terms of work, I have been able to get things done today, things I was struggling with yesterday or the day before.

Right now, I notice myself much more positive and confident.

In this case my pause doesn’t seem like one really because I took time from my sleep. But I really started yesterday when I decided to drop everything I was trying to accomplish and go for a walk.

A pause doesn’t have to be a meditation or a walk. It can be a dance, gym, a run. Whatever helps quiet the mind. When the mind is quiet, there’s shift in energy. We are present and we see more clearly.

In the toughest times in my professional life, I remember I would purposefully take small breaks to clear my mind. Sometimes I would just look at the birds through the window in my office. Or I would stop to take deep breaths, walk, etc. For some it was strange, I would see people rushing up and down, while I was taking a little bit of distance. That “distance” allowed me to retake my challenges with much more clarity and efficiency. So why wait until the end of our work shift to take a pause?

If you are interested in knowing more about Mindfulness, check Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s bibliography

Work in progress

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I am doing an exercise to go deeper in the experience of what’s going on right now in our lives. There are many question marks.

We moved to this region for an assignment that is now over. There may or may not be something else to do here in the coming months. We don’t know where we are going next.

We made the assumption that we would have some months to “plan” the next move (in a couple of years). Nevertheless, the current changes are forcing us to look at the options much sooner than expected and probably with less time to plan.

We try to stay positive, trust that the outcome will be good. We trust we’ll be treated with respect and care, but we don’t know what’s out there for us in the near future.

As per myself, I quit my job to come here; I have started up a business that still needs time to grow. I am not sure how much energy to invest in it right now. Therefore, I am using the same strategy I used in 2009 when we were experiencing drastic changes at work. I take time to stay grounded, open and positive. I keep my goals in mind, working towards them, but being very flexible. There is a big chance that my goals will need to change, but the essence will still be there: the reasons why.

I am apparently very calm, but I catch myself reacting over little things. I have a tendency to control. The energy that drives the controller in me is good, it is the drive to start new projects, take initiative, and so forth. But when I react, I am like a bulldozer and I can hurt people. So, it’s important for me to be aware of it and my impact. So that I can refocus the energy into what’s needed at the moment. That usually gives me great inner peace.  So, when I catch myself reacting, I take a pause to adjust something. I don’t expect myself not to react, but I am more and more aware of when I do it and I recover quicker and quicker. That’s progress and that’s what really matters.